EATING ALONE - THERE IS A DIFFERENCE

On today’s early segment of the Today Show the anchors commented on posts by a celebrity that she had enjoyed going out to eat alone. Everyone at the table agreed that there were times when eating alone was a real treat. No kids demanding attention. No expectations that you have to be entertaining. No noise! But there is a difference. Choosing to eat alone as a unique experience that is a “treat” is a lot different from eating alone every day because you are alone.  

Most days I eat alone at home by choice. After almost seven years, cooking for myself and eating alone has become the routine. However, that was not the case right after Ned died. Of course, I ate at home alone a lot then too but there were many times when I would just go out to a restaurant to be in an environment of noise and energy. Even if I was at a table alone, the sounds of the restaurant and the people sharing meals together was comforting in an odd way. Without anyone left at home to talk to or listen to; without anyone in the house that made noise or generated activity the silence sometimes became oppressive.

There is a good deal of research that eating alone is not healthy. The scientists say that we are more likely to eat unhealthy foods and more than we need which can have a detrimental effect on us.

In my experience some of this is true but how this situation impacts you depends on the individual. For example, I have come a long way from the need to go out to noisy restaurants to eat in order to fill my life with sound after Ned’s death. Sometimes that is what I want and need – like one night earlier this week when I just got in the car and headed out to find a place with lots of people and energy.

Eating alone is not necessarily my choice but it is my life. I have become very good at cooking for one or cooking things that can be frozen for later. I will admit that I am not as creative or inventive when cooking as when he was alive or before the kids left home but I like eating here in the comfort of my own home and I like knowing what is in the food I am cooking. Eating out often just reinforces the fact that he is gone and I am alone. Think about it, when you walk in a restaurant there is usually a host at the front to help you located a table that works for your party. The first question is always "How many in your party?" My answer is almost always "One." It is just one more way I am daily reminded that I am now a single person eating alone because my husband died. 

Today I went out to breakfast - alone - and the host said "Just one today?" and I was able to smile and say "Yes!" It was a nice change and left me with a very different experience. If I still owned a restaurant, I think I might retrain my staff to ask that question when someone comes in alone. It is really easy for them to say "No, I am meeting someone" or even "Actually there are four of us." For someone who eats alone a lot, this new way of asking me was refreshing and appreciated. 

My advice to widows is to trust what you need and do what works in this area too. If you need to find friends that eat with you – do that! If you need to go enjoy a meal in a noisy restaurant – do that! If you want to eat at home alone, whether it is take out or home cooked – do that!

There are no rules here. The fact is that you are now alone. Eating is just one of the things you will now be doing by yourself that you were usually doing with him.  The best advice I can give is to do what works for you and ask for what you need and at the end of the day, take care of yourself. That means – eat healthy, eat moderately, and eat well. You are all you have right now and you are counting on you to take good care!