KIND WORDS

In some earlier posts I wrote about things I did not want to hear anymore. Chief among them was "I am so sorry for your loss." It is said so many times by so many different people that it no longer has any real meaning or impact. It seems like a rote comment similar to what we say when people ask how we are and the answer is "fine." 

 However, today something happened that reminded me that there are words that can soothe and comfort event 8.5 years later when it is clear they are thoughtful and considered. 

 I was spending some time with a woman friend I am just getting to know. During the course of our time together she was sharing something she is working on with me and I had the opportunity to tell her a little about Ned's passion for model trains and my knowledge of them from having spent 45 years with someone who was obsessive about it. When we talked about the trains she just listened and asked questions and commented that she appreciated that I knew something about the world of model trains, after which we went on with our tour of the project. 

 About 15 minutes later when we were doing something completely different there was a moment when she gently said "I'm sorry you lost him." I just looked at her and said "Me too - and thanks." It was a beautiful, thoughtful moment and I was moved by her thoughtfulness and care. She clearly took time to think about her comment and considered what there might be to say to me. The sentiment was touching and the comment was moving and I really appreciated everything about it. 

 In particular, I appreciated that she gave it careful consideration and that she took her cues from me. There was no automatic comment or need to say something just to be saying something. It was a meaningful interaction that left me acknowledged and appreciated as well as known as someone who is dealing with a loss that is unimaginable. 

 I want to take on bringing that kind of thoughtfulness to my interactions with everyone in my life who is dealing with something. It matters not whether they are dealing with loss, tragedy, or joy. Being mindful of the other person makes a real difference in how they are left with the interaction. Kind words, thoughtfully spoken is the very best we can do. 

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