Widowoman - A Journey Into Widowhood

After Christmas Eve Services, my ten year old grandson came home with me to take care of my dog and get the presents at my house and my overnight bag so I could be with them on Christmas morning. On the way to his house he said: “Grammy, you have to spend a lot of time alone now. Does it get boring?” I knew he was sincere in his question and I would not think of answering him with anything but the truth so my answer was “Yes.” We had a conversation about some of the things I am doing and actions I will be taking to impact that. He had a suggestion of his own. He thought that the Tulsa branches of the family should create a schedule that included me in some way every day so that I would not be alone and bored. It made my heart smile to know that he was concerned for me and that he was thinking of ways to make it better particularly because I don’t talk about being alone or bored – he just noticed and wondered. Now, my husband has been gone for over six and a half years and this l...

Many years ago a very special friend of mine in Enid shared with me something of what it was like when her prominent physician husband died suddenly of a heart attack when he was alone flying his plane. This woman was one of the pillars of that community and a force to be reckoned with helping those in need. She was also creative and eccentric. She wore teal and pink and had mink earrings. Her hair was white as snow and built every day by a hairdresser on the wig form that it (her hair) spent each night warming. She wore high heels all the time and was a master at pasting on the layers of make-up that created her public image every day before she left home. She was also gracious, loving, caring and generous to a fault. She never missed the opportunity to thank someone for a contribution or to notice a good deed and acknowledge the care or concern it represented. She and I became very close friends working on a project to build a new youth shelter in Enid and that friendship k...

Wow! No matter how “prepared” one is for the holiday season after the death of a husband, it is not ever easy. I love Christmas. I love the decorations, the music, the dorky sweaters, the holiday spirit and all the other aspects of the season. Ned loved it too and he had a new experience after the movie “The Santa Claus”. You see, he looked almost exactly like Tim Allen in that movie (after Tim gained the weight and his hair and beard turned white). Ned even wore those ridiculous Christmas sweaters and had a big beard during the winter. He looked so much like the Santa in that movie that when we went to see it in the theater and the lights came up at the end of the movie the children sitting around us gasped when he stood up. He played along and winked and smiled at all of them. I heard them saying “It’s him! It’s him!” to their parents as the movie theater owner came up and asked if he could just hang around the theater during this run. The following Sunday at Mass he was prea...

If, like me, you were married a considerable length of time, you get up every day and you are a " married lady." It’s not something you think about. It’s more something you know yourself as and it colors your life and living. Then one day your husband dies and that is not the case anymore. The thing is you still feel married. You still see life through that filter. You don’t really know any other way to be or live and yet here you are – single again at your age- whatever that is – and in a new era. Living single again after the death of a husband is, in my opinion, a real minefield and one that I did not expect and had/have no idea how to navigate. Once again the world outside has a boat load of expectations about how you should be and what you should do and not do and you are completely clueless. Let’s begin with the fact you are now really traveling through life alone. My husband, terrific as he was, was a “hermit” at heart. He was not a social animal ...