THE POWER OF SHARING

For over six years I have journeyed through this world of Widowhood. It is, as I have shared, a unique cultural phenomenon in our society. There are different aspects of this world that are experienced by almost all widows and some elements that are only present to some. However, for all of us, this world is a different space than the one we occupied before our husband died.

In the beginning I kept this new experience to myself. From time to time I shared with a close friend or with my children but for the most part I just wandered through this new territory looking for a path that worked for me. I could not see how sharing would help.

For about five years my kids have encouraged me to write about this journey and share it with others. It is not that I was opposed to sharing. It is just that I did not think that sharing would make a difference. This was my journey. What could that mean to anyone else? Why was sharing this a good idea?

We human beings have a hard time with sharing. When we are children the idea of sharing means giving up something. When our parents or teachers tell us to “share” what they mean is give something of ours or something we have to someone else. That kind of “sharing” leaves me with less than what I had before - fewer toys, less candy, less time with another. Sharing does not occur for us as a way to lessen the grief or burden or a way to expand something. It just means I get less and have to give some of what I have to someone else.

As we grow up, sharing as a loss or risk is reinforced. We are asked to share our ideas with others – and then they take what we offer and present it as their own and again we lose. We share responsibilities – and then get left with the bulk of the job – and we are asked to share the burden with others who are suffering and in pain. As when we were children, sharing is not enlivening. It is not inspiring. It does not breathe life into us or life.

Then an opportunity shows up that can change our view. We are invited to share our experience of something for no reason other than to let others know that they are not alone and that there is something possible that did not seem possible before.

It is this new view of sharing that opened my eyes to what my children and friends were encouraging me to do – share my journey into widowhood. I started out writing a book and realized that a blog was a better way to get the word out now. Sharing through a blog could expand the audience and invite others to be part of the conversation. The book is still a work in progress and the blog has become my Wednesday work.

Today I realized the difference writing this blog and sharing with others has made for me this year. Sharing my widowhood journey has reminded me of the power of sharing. Every time I write a post for the blog and share about something that is part of my journey, the impact on me is diminished and the opportunity for others is expanded. For example, sharing about widowhood and the holidays created a new opening for me to have a wonderful holiday season with none of the melancholy that has plagued the holidays for me since Ned’s death. Sharing made something new possible and expanded the experience. In addition, the actions I am taking now to reinvent my life are easy and graceful for me and for most of those around me because I have been authentically sharing with everyone what I am up to and why I am doing it.

In this effort, sharing has decreased the impact of life in this new world and has allowed me to open my heart to others and hear their stories. Even when some have contacted me to say they disagree with something I said it becomes clear that the sharing is what matters. I have said many times that this is not how it “is” to be a widow. This is what my journey is like and I hope that sharing it with others has opened the door for them to share their journey with the people in their lives.

Sharing in this context has power and promotes health and well-being. It offers the chance for others to examine their own experience and look for themselves at how life is going for them as they travel this new road.

Sharing for me has opened the door to a new experience. It has provided an outlet for expressing all the roadblocks I have encountered and the hurdles that society has dropped on the road. Simply saying what’s there for me and continuing to remind everyone that it is my experience – not necessarily everyone’s – has also opened the door for others to be in communication.

In this context, sharing begets sharing and new life comes from letting go of the experiences that keep us trapped and from sharing the new worlds we are creating and discovering. Take the chance and share. Someone will listen and a new world can open up for both of you.