IT'S UNIMAGINABLE!


IT’S UNIMAGINABLE

You know, one of the most authentic things that has been said to me over the last seven years is “I can’t imagine what it must be like.” It’s true. Unless you have been down this path, you can’t imagine. I know because I tried to imagine what it would be like. Ned was the last of a long line of Doty men who died at age 56 so he lived life as if that would be the end for him too. He always told me that he would not be around long and encouraged me to create a life that could go on after he was gone. So, from time to time when he was gone on a trip out of town for a few days I tried to imagine what it would be like to live life without him. No matter what I thought it would be like, this is not that.

Of course there are things I could imagine but most I could not. Here I am seven years later still discovering things that he handled with grace and ease that I am bumbling through. It is in these moments that I sometimes tell him how annoying it is that he left when he did.

Now don’t get me wrong, I can do what I need to do. I am perfectly capable of dealing with whatever comes along – as I know most women are. I just don’t like dealing with some of the things that were his responsibility and that he managed with grace and ease. For me they occur more like hacking my way through the backwoods looking for a cleared path. No luck this time but I suppose next time will be easier.

If I have learned anything since his death it is that the road is different for each of us. My path is not the same as the next woman’s and hers is different from the next one. Each of us is on our own journey into Widowhood. This blog has made a huge difference in my freedom to be with all that life now holds for me. It has opened the door to me seeing things I have not seen before and to creating a new life for myself for the rest of my years. But, it is my journey.

A friend of mine whose husband was one of Ned’s closest friends lost her husband a few years after Ned died. He too had a stroke that had a devastating impact on him. She reads my blog and called me one day to say that she did not really know how to respond to my blog. When I only responded with “Okay” she was a bit confused. Then I told her that the blog is my experience. If it speaks to her (or to anyone) that’s great. If it is your experience and my words makes a difference in how you deal with it, that’s great. If it is nothing like what you are dealing with that’s great too. All I intend for widows as I offer my words is that they find a way to deal with their loss in a way that leaves them living and life worth living in a new paradigm of existence.

This blog is my journey. I share it so that others can benefit from my experience and can see that some of the things that they have encountered as a widow are part of our culture that is truly hidden from view. I also share it so that the rest of society can begin to understand how their words and actions toward women losing their spouse sometimes have a different impact than intended. It seems as if that scriptural reference “Pity the poor widow” has become part of the background of life for society. My intention is to shine a light on that culture so that society can see how it sometimes diminishes widowomen and treats them as if they are not capable.  

Tonight I am present to a life I could not have imagined. As I embark on a new adventure, I am particularly grateful for all the years of loving and sharing I had with Ned. We walked an interesting road and though there were rough spots on the trip, I am grateful for every step we took together and I promise that the rest of my journey will honor the faith he had in me that I could and would live an unimaginable life for the rest of my time on this planet.

Thanks my love for loving me forever and always and for always reminding me that I am enough and that there are no limits to what I can accomplish. You are still the wind beneath my wings!  

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