SURPRISING AND UNPREDICATABLE SATURDAY NIGHT

Last week I wrote about women who are “invisible” much of the time and how that experience is for us. There are moments of miracles in our lives, however, and I want to share one that happened to me on Saturday night.

I was the Music Minister for all the services at my church this weekend and after the service on Saturday night as I was headed home I realized there was nothing to eat at the house.  On the way home I drove past several restaurants but nothing appealed to me until I saw Zio’s. I parked and went inside where I was told there was at least a 20 minute wait so I found a place to sit and made myself comfortable. There was another family in the area where I was sitting and they appeared to be very welcoming. After a few minutes I said “Hello” and  I found out that they were celebrating the 8 year old’s birthday.

A few minutes later the mom asked me if I was there alone. When I said that I was, she asked if I wanted to join them for dinner. I was thrilled and surprised and glad to have the opportunity to get to know them better and share a meal with these lovely people. So we became one table of 6 for dinner instead of two tables, one for 5 and another for 1.

Not only did they invite me to join them but they bought my dinner and really invited me into their family. I intended to buy an appetizer but a friend of theirs that worked there send calamari to the table for us. So we talked and got to know each other better. Among the things I discovered is that Dad has a floor refinishing business and works with local contractors. Mom works at McAlister’s and with Dad.

I also found out that the eight year old was born in the United States, the 17 and 15 year olds are good students at Jenks High School with lofty goals to be an orthodontist and a pediatrician and that since coming to the US from Mexico 9 years ago they have never seen their grandmothers. They don’t know what it is like to have a grandmother and I got to bring that to the evening for them.

I shared with the birthday boy that his favorite meal was also Ned’s. I told him that every time we went to Zio’s Ned would read the menu cover to cover and then order spaghetti and meat balls – every single time. He also told me he loves his video games and mac and cheese so I shared with him where my favorite mac and cheese is available. We have to share those secrets with one another – good mac and cheese is to be cherished and shared.

As we shared I also learned why mom invited me to join them. She is terribly afraid to be alone. She saw me alone and became worried about me. It was mystifying to her that I could be okay with being alone and that I could live alone all the time. That seemed to her like the scariest thing ever. Later, when I realized that this is the family that the conversations about illegal immigrant are about, I could understand better the fear she has and why it paralyzes her. She truly thought it was that way for everyone.

As we were preparing to leave, the dad says to me “Not all of us are bad people.” At first I was confused and then I realized that he was talking about their immigration status. I immediately assured him that the thought never crossed my mind and that I am truly sorry that he has that impression of Americans.

Driving home I was thinking about the miracle the evening was. First, in seven years that is only the second time that someone has invited me to join them for a meal while we were waiting for a table – and the first time was during a snow storm in Joplin when the restaurant was really busy. That person turned out to be someone responsible for child sexual abuse prevention education in that part of the state and I was later retained as their Keynote speaker at the spring conference.

This time I got to know a family that I might never have encountered. Mom and Dad who came to this country to find a better life and left behind a family they love and miss. Add to that two “dreamers” who were brought here at the ages of 6 and 8 by their parents and a young son, not 8 years old who was born here and is a natural born citizen. They work hard. They support themselves. They pay taxes and care for their community. They want a future and they live in fear.

Thank you to the family for inviting me to share their evening, their table, and a few moments of their life. Thank you to these wonderful, caring people who live in fear every day but could not stop themselves from reaching out to the older woman waiting to have dinner alone in a crowded noisy restaurant and inviting her to be part of their celebration.

That night I was not invisible and neither were they. It was surprising, unpredictable and delightful.